Please Disregard the Security Alarm, Enjoy Your $20 Burger

So, this past Saturday night, Mrs. HokieJayBee and I took lil HokieJayBee out for dinner with another couple and their young daughter. We talked before hand and wanted to find a spot that would be good for all parties (mainly the 2.5 year old and the 2 month old).

We obviously wanted a “family” place, i.e. not a bar type chain that happens to have some restaurant seating around. We didn’t want a quiet place, obviously as we’re bringing in a boy in the rarest form of terrible two’s lately – and a 2 month old. Lil HokieJayBee could burst out at any time with rant of some form, and of course a near-new born could chime in at any time as well if she were cold or hungry. But we also didn’t want too hectic of a place, i.e. Chuck E Cheese’s or something off the wall like that.

We chose a Red Robin burger place. It was family oriented, and just about the right amount of loud. It accepted lil HJB’s behavior pretty fine. We started out waiting right outside, letting lil HJB play with one of his Hotwheels on a nearby bench. We could see through the windows into the waiting area, and pounced when we saw some inside seating open up.

Once inside, bonuses include the fact that the hostesses give out balloons to youngins. This granted us roughly 4 minutes of sanity in the waiting area. Also filed under Bonuses, there’s a flat screen TV and speakers IN THE FLOOR of the waiting area, covered by Plexiglas that the kids can stand/jump on. +10 genius points to whoever thought that up. With the Nickelodeon or Wonderpets or whatever was on, we were granted another 7 minutes of sanity in the waiting area.

These bonuses, mathematicians can see, granted us approximately 11 minutes of sanity in the waiting area. Unfortunately, our wait was about 20 minutes. Of the other 9 minutes remaining, Mrs. HJB and I were able to successfully distract and parent lil HJB for another 8 minutes. Leaving 1 minute at risk while in the waiting area.

Shouldn’t be a problem. What can a 2.5 year old get into on some benches between the front door and hostess stand of a restaurant. We successfully kept him from the taller stool seating, no fall damage. We successfully kept him from the potted plants, no dirt on his clothes or on the floor. We secluded him to one side of one cushioned bench away from other patrons, no accidental touchy feely on the nice ladies’ boobs nearby. OOOOH BEWBS! No brain, I mean the lady looked like a nice enough older lady, not that the lady had nice breasts. Dammit.

Only problem with the corner we chose to seclude him to of the front area, on said bench. While standing on the bench seat itself, one 2.5 year old boy at full reach is exactly tall enough to reach the Security System Panel for the restaurant. Yeah. I’ll let you move ahead of me here in the story to know what’s coming next.

My son, Alarm Panel Security System Hacker that he already is, at 2.5 years old. Somehow armed the panel and set it into an instant alarm. LOUD. Not a little loud. A lotta loud. Like, deafening for the whole place. The whole place shut down. The cooks ran out. It was ridiculous.

One of the manager’s ran over and tried to disarm it (her code is 2218 if you live near Hampton Roads VA and want to rob the Red Robin restaurant), but in the state of the current alarm, whatever instant-alarm-of-death-and-bad-things that my son put it in, the screen actually told her she didn’t have the authority to override. I’m not shitting you here, I think it said, in three successive screen flashes, “Override Failed”, “No Authority”, “Need Lock Code”. Or in other words, you ain’t the General Manager and I’m going to continue to beep ridiculously loud with my horn sirens and all.

It was at this point, witnessing one of the manager’s fail at turning this thing off, that I started to really think we could be in for a closed restaurant, and maybe even a trip up for the police to find out who set this damn thing off. And Murphy’s Law would come too, and I’d be liable for some negligent parenting thing allowing him to do so, and I’d be liable for the restaurant’s lost wages for the remainder of the Saturday night or something. It was actually beginning to be a sucky story in my head.

Then a different manager ran over to the other panel behind the hostess stand and punched in a bunch of crap and the alarm stopped. Wow, talk about relief. Everyone cheered and everybody went about their merry way. Including my son who thought it was the funniest thing in the world. And we had to restrain him from trying to return to the panel above our bench.

It’s also hard to reprimand your son when you’re a little embarrassed at everyone staring at you, and when you’re trying your hardest to not laugh hysterically yourself.

Then dinner sucked. Don’t get me wrong, the burgers were “fine”. But for two burgers, two beers, and a kid’s meal, I’m not thinking $58 is a nice family dinner place. But, I guess you have to pay for the TV in the floor up front, and the cool alarm panel toy they have for your kids to set off.



((By the way, I’m kidding about the manager’s alarm code. I wouldn’t put it here if I did remember it and I wouldn’t suggest robbery anyways. ))

((By the way part II, WTF with the alarm panel being in reach of the customers (kids) in the waiting area and not having some physical keypad cover, or electronic keypad lock, to keep this from happening. I can’t help but think my son isn’t the first 2.5 year old aspiring hacker that got that thing to go off.))