One Step Further

Welcome back me. Long break over Christmas for me, lazy no bloggy time. But I'm back.

So I’ve already detailed for you in a previous post, the guy we’ve all worked with, the talk-in-a-circle-in-work-speak-phrases-guy. The guy who doesn’t do anything, or produce anything of actual value for your company – but sure can talk a huge nice game, and it sounds like he’s busy at something.

Today I wanted to detail for you another guy that I work with, and maybe you can relate.

I like to call this guy the one-step-too-far-guy. He can take any situation – work related, personal related, no matter who is in the conversation – and essentially ruin it. He takes jokes too far, he takes criticism too far, and basically just creates a multitude of awkward situations for everyone involved. I admit that I find it funny a lot of the time, just watching people react to him, and the looks he gets when he exits, if for the sake of justice or the oh-my-God-there-is-a-God-he-finally-left faces people make behind his back.

This kind of individual is similar to a one-upper-guy. I know you all know a one-upper-guy. He has something to interject into any story anyone is telling. He’s done it better, longer, harder, stronger, faster – than you. Or he knows someone who has. He basically has a one-up, or more knowledge about any subject, than you. And he’s not afraid to tell you about it.

Example of a common One-Upper-Guy:
(for those scoring at home, this is a made up example)

Me: “Me and the family headed to [CITY X] for Christmas this year. Traffic wasn’t bad at all, we made it in like 4 hours. Which was good with the pups and our 2-year-old.”
One-Upper-Guy: “Pfft, I’ve made that drive in 3 hours.”
Me: [long awkward pause] “grats?”

So, the one-step-too-far-guy is similar to the one-upper-guy, only a lot of times his one-upping is just…….one……..step………too……….far. Sometimes he says things in situations that we we're all thinking, but due to the situation or people involved, would never dream of saying. Sometimes he just flat out says some whack ass shit.

Examples:
(all accounts are paraphrased for brevity and the names have been changed to protect the innocent.)
(yes, these are all accounts I’ve witnessed or been a part of the conversation, none of this is made up.)
(I swear.)

---“Keep Your Day Job.”---
Setting: Big Conference Room, many big important people.
Big Boss Man X: [during a work speech tries to break the ice with a joke, a not funny joke]
Employees: [laugh, forced]
Big Boss Man Y: [who has the authority and company standing, as well as personal friendship, to say this to Big Boss Man X] “Ha, better keep your day job [Big Boss Man X].”
One-Step-Too-Far-Guy: “Yeah, because that wasn’t funny. You’re not funny. You should never be a stand-up comedian.”

So, you see now what I mean with the creature I describe as the one-step-too-far-guy. Good.

---“You look tired.”---
Setting: Employee D’s office, random work morning.
D: “Man, I am beat.”
Me: “No sleep last night?”
D: “Yeah, I was up way too late night watching [TV SHOW X/SPORTING EVENT Q].”
One-Step-Too-Far-Guy: “Yeah, when you’re tired, you look old too. You look like crap today. No offense.”

---“I’d hit it.”---
Setting: Employee G’s office, random work day. Employee G is female.
G: “I cannot stand my hair. I need another cut but I need the bangs to grow out first. Uggh, I hate it.”
Other female employee in conversation: “Awww, it looks fine. It looks really good when you straighten it and wear it layered rather than pulled back.”
One-Step-Too-Far-Guy: [walking by the office, like not even really in the conversation] “Pssssssh, you’re still hot. I’d hit it.”

---“You know she’s 16 right?”---
Setting: Group conversation, office kitchen. Attractive young [young!] girl walks by.
D: “Whoa, who was that?”
Me: “Watch yourself, I think that’s [Employee L]’s daughter.”
D: “Whoops, I think you’re right. She’s like 16 isn’t she?”
Employee L enters the room, now in conversation.
D: “Hey L, your daughter here?”
L: “Yeah, brought me my lunch, she just got her license.”
One-Step-Too-Far-Guy: “Driving? Alright, so she *is* 16. Only two more years and I can make my move, she’s so hot.”

And my personal favorite….

---“It’s pronounced Muh soose.”---
Setting: Group conversation, office kitchen. Males and females in conversation. Employee A rubbing his neck, grimacing.
D: “Morning A, what’s wrong?”
A: “Hurt my neck playing basketball last night.”
D: “Like pulled a muscle, or need a doctor? Or just need to get a professional massage?”
Me: “I’ve gotten one before. Worth it.”
A: “Nah, too expensive. I’ll just rest it a week.”
One-Step-Too-Far-Guy: “Too expensive? I love getting professional massages. Only I call ‘em Rub and Tugs!”

[awkward pause, whole group]

One-Step-Too-Far-Guy: “What, who doesn’t want a happy ending?”



One.
Step.
Too.
Far.